Dynamic friends

Tough economic times threaten all sorts of institutions: investment banks, newspapers and, yes, marriages.

While there's no evidence to show that cheating increases during recessions, experts point out that money and employment woes strain relationships, leaving them vulnerable to infidelity.

Avoiding temptation, particularly when a lost job or depleted bank account has shaken your sense of self, can be difficult. But it's not impossible. The most obvious strategy, productive communication, bears repeating since couples often assign blame instead of engaging in fruitful conversations. Managing your expectations of the relationship, and what might be gained from an affair, is another successful technique.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, an author and senior fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families, says these strategies help a couple understand the weaknesses of the relationship.

"Most marriages end not because of one or two big crises," he says. "Typically it's a death by a thousand cuts."

Lines of Communication The whirlwind of working long hours, raising children and tending to the many bureaucracies of everyday life leaves little time for personal reflection. Under these conditions, couples can go weeks and months without expressing resentment or gratitude.

Tell-tale signs of strained communication, says Coleman, include chronic impatience and a tendency to blame. This dynamic can weaken the relationship and prompt one or both partners to seek validation from someone else. That may be fine when the outsider is a confidante with whom there is no risk of romantic entanglement. But otherwise, seeking emotional support from someone else may invite trouble.

Instead, Coleman suggests repairing breakdowns when they occur and then taking stock occasionally to be sure both individuals have moved on. Of course, this requires that both individuals take responsibility for mistakes, apologize when necessary and adjust future behavior. Though such communication may be difficult for some men, says Coleman, "It's actually a sign of psychological health and strength."

Realistic Expectations Even when communication is frequent, it might not be enough to counter the draw of a "quick fix," says Dr. Mark Smaller, a spokesman for the American Psychoanalytic Association.

An affair may seem like a shortcut to happiness when times are bleak, says Smaller, but infidelity often masks larger problems tied to feelings of self-worth or disappointment.

Smaller also encourages his patients to think of cheating as a life-changing choice instead of an impulsive act. Such decisions should be made with the maximum information possible. This means understanding why you're considering an affair, as well as anticipating the outcome.

Cultivating realistic expectations applies equally to your relationship. "In American marriages, we expect our partners to be everything to us," says Coleman. Instead, couples should look to outside interests and friendships to provide fulfilling and validating experiences.

Finally, Dr. Smaller advises his patients to arm themselves with a sense of humor. The ability to laugh at your own limitations, he says, indicates a healthy perspective on the relationship's weaknesses. The ability to distance yourself from the everyday challenges of being in a relationship, and even poke fun at them, can bring long-term stability.

Even if you think a partnership is doomed, Smaller is ready with an important caveat: "These things are never solved by way of another relationship."