Dynamic friends

Ever had a crush on a woman, and found out that she was already seeing someone? What did you do next, went home and cried, pussy boy? Losers aside, here are a few things that determined men do. They steal girlfriends. So if you think you’re ready to sweep the girl of your dreams from right under her guy’s nose, here’s Confetti, the Couples Lifestyle Magazine raising a toast to you, you… you little desperado.

So here we go again, on this exciting voyage of being the player and the best man to have existed on the face of this Earth. Casanova is history. So let’s hit first base here. You like a girl. And cupid’s struck the wrong butt… again. And you’re left in the dark. She’s with another guy. Alright, life can be a bit harsh at times. So will you stop with your whining and crying already?! For crying out loud, there’s a way to have her. Thankfully. And it’s all in my, as Chris Gardner says in ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’, “Ten Gallon Head”. Once you’re done blowing your nose and sticking the snot under the couch, let’s get to the deep, dark world of girlfriend stealing. Brr... I can feel the adrenalin already, that sick taste in the mouth and the annoying hair on the back of your neck that stands on end. Girlfriend stealing is an art, not some club swinging clumsy hit-and-miss techniques used by the lesser mortals. So sharpen your mind, and play it smooth, playboy.

Shut the doors, and keep everyone out. This lost art is the final nail on any boyfriend’s coffin. Have you ever come across any guy who could always get any girl he wanted, even if she’s been going out with her guy since the last millennium? It doesn’t matter if you’re a dodo who hasn’t noticed that yet, or if you’ve got so few friends that you don’t have one smooth talker around you, because in just a few minutes you’re going to be able to hold that coveted title in your very own hands. This is unlike me, helping a guy shatter another guy’s heart, but I’ve been hounded by guys who’ve wanted to know how to go out with a girl who’s already been taken, because they’re just so madly in love with them. It may have been the hardest thing on planet earth but with these little pointers, stealing girlfriends could just turn out to be as easy as stealing coins from a genuine blind beggar! So cheer up, lift your chin out of the dirt and keep your eyes peeled if you want that special girl. And if you’re a man who’s going out with a girl already, don’t hate the player, buddy, hate the game
1. Get to know everything she can tell

This is important. Once you’re pals, you need to become something more than that. So talk about her favourite dates, her kind of movies, the little annoying stuff she’s done, and everything else. Just to warm her up, you start off by narrating the time you ripped your pants off while trying to jump into a girl’s house. Just as long as you open up, she will too, and you know what, she’s going to love it!

2. Are you better than him?

The test of manliness. Talk about her guy. Pop the question. Ask her what kind of a guy he is. If you’re getting into her good books, she will keep it simple. Then ask her what she thinks of you. Compare both the scores out aloud. Laugh and talk about what you can do to tilt the balance to your side. And then get back to talking about how they met, and more blah, blah and blah about her guy.

3. Make her love you!

She’s in love with her man, but that could change. Impress her, be a man around her. Give her the space when she meets her pals or on phone when both of you are together, so she can be comfortable when you’re around. Remember her special days, her deadlines, and anything else, even if it is really trivial. Show her that even her little things are really important to you. And wait for the good times.

4. Be her other guy

Now get this straight, you be her other guy, not her back-up guy. If you find that she’s just using you as her Man Friday when he’s not around, walk out. She should respect you and want you. Don’t go trailing her at every opportunity you get. Keep it slow, and talk to her once in a while, at least once a day if you work at the same place, or alternate days or less if it’s on phone. Let her miss you when you aren’t around. Drive her to work if you can, give her the attention, and basically, treat her like a princess when you’re together.

5. Give her what her guy can’t give

Pamper her. You may not be around her all the time, and her guy may be. But that doesn’t matter. Because your one hour around her can do more damage to him than all day. Talk and be genuinely interested in her. If you get a call, see if you can cancel and call back, and let her see that. She should know how special the times both of you share is to you. And more than anything else, maintain intense eye contact with her when both of you talk. Make her feel like she’s the only thing in the world you care about when you’re with her.
Getting down and dirty

1. Dig all info

There may be a few things she knows but she won’t tell. And any info about her is good info. That’s where her pals come into the picture. If you know them in the first place, then go on and ask a few things about her. But very discreetly, of course. You don’t want them to know you’re hitting on her. And admit it, if you do like her, you’re definitely going to want to talk about her.

2. The annoying guy

Find out more about her guy from any source you can get. There may always be a few skeletons that could be dug out here. So he doesn’t believe in holding doors open for a woman? The next time you talk to her, tell her the story about a man who doesn’t open doors for women, and how annoying that is. See, that’s like letting her know her guy isn’t all that, without actually talking about him. On the other hand, talk about how much you live by the code of chivalry. Without coming across as pompous!

3. “Bump” into her

So you know things about her. Good. Does she hang out on weekends at a particular place? Did her friends tell you that? Excellent. As long as she hasn’t told you that, and you’ve figured it out yourself, go for the kill. Accidentally bump into her at the same place, and pretend like your “surprise” meeting is a damn sign from heaven that you guys have to be together. Ask her out to coffee or lunch. You know, these occasional bumping scenarios could actually take you somewhere.

4. Who’s that guy?

Remember, for you, her guy is of no value. So treat him like one. Unless you know him on first-name basis, refer to him as ‘your boyfriend’ when you talk to her. She may talk about how much she loves him, and blah, but it doesn’t matter. And at times, when she goes on and on about him, yawn pointedly and make sure she knows it’s a fake. But do make sure you laugh after you do that, you’d want to make it seem like a joke instead of a rude gesture.

5. Same workspace

Sometimes, we end up liking a girl in the same workspace. And to make things worse, her guy could work there too. So when you’re talking to her once in a while, there’s a fair chance that he’d end up joining the conversation too. Don’t lose your enthusiasm here, but stay away from flirty comments. But the second he walks away, thank your lucky starts loudly and get back to your flirty talk. A line that goes like, “Thank you God, at last, I can get a few minutes with this beautiful girl without her boyfriend around!” not only gets the point across, but also sounds humorous.